Glorfindel's Revenge
by Sake
Summary: From the people who brought the Aragorn torture: this is an Arwen Torture fic with a little more random stuff added in. and that's all I have to say for now... see it for yourself, and then review. :P
1. Prologue

Ok… FF.net… I love you to death but this has got to stop. My story has been taken down for the third time, and frankly, I don't know why. So here goes my attempt to prove to you that there is NOTHING wrong with it

The notification I was sent is exactly quoted: " Main reason for removal: 'Not allowed: mst, chat, real person based, interactive, etc.'"

MST - this obviously isn't an mst  
Chat - obviously not a chat…  
Real person based - I state this now… all characters are fictional. Sake and Cecil only exist as a small part of my mind.  
Interactive - comments are appreciated but if you truly wish to communicate with me… IM me. My public aim name is "fighting apathy"  
Etc - wtf eh? I'm assuming Etc is short for "cause we just don't like you"

Check my profile for the rules.

Disclaimer: Sake and Cecil are mine... the rest of the characters belong to their respective creators...

**Glorfindel's Revenge**:

"Legolas... do you think I should go back to black?" she sat on the bed, holding a few locks of pink hair close to her face, examining them.

"I think you've changed your hair color enough times in the past year..." he said, putting an arm around her shoulder.

"Awe... don't be boring... besides... it's summer... and the pink was meant to match my snowboard," Sake took out her wallet and opened it to stare at a picture of the beautiful baby blue and pink Sims snowboard and kissing it, said, "I miss you, baby."

Cecil rolled his eyes, "You and that snowboard..."

"What's wrong, jealous Cecil?" Legolas started to tease but was interrupted by a knock at the door. He got up and opened it, letting a man in.

"... Sake. Now I know you don't much like me," Aragorn paused, "But I'm here to ask you a favor... well... you see, I couldn't think of anyone else to turn to... and there's a bit of a problem--"

"GET ON WITH IT!" Now... Sake can be very patient at times... but when someone like Aragorn decides to disturb her, there's a problem.

"Look outside."

She took a step towards the window she was already facing and peeked around the curtains only to see enormous crowds of angry people swarming around the walls of Minas Tirith, demanding entrance. "What on earth is that for?!"

"Well... we were fine fending off the true Tolkien fans who KNEW about Glorfindel from the start, but once word got out to the 'rabid fan girls,' as you call them, that the movies could have had another 'hot elf boy' they got... uh... pissed. Soooo... now they're all here with Arwen. In combination with all of my 'rabid' fan girls who want Arwen out of the picture, this is a very massive army with the soul though of destruction of my wife in their minds," Aragorn was looking very nervous and desperate. And desperate he must have been to turn to Sake for help.

Sake smiled slightly, "So you want _me_ to protect Arwen?"

"Well... yes..."

"Well, Aragorn, dear friend, I promise you I will do whatever it takes than is within in my power to stop them from _killing_ Arwen."

Aragorn was quite surprised, "R-really?"

"As long as it's in my power..."

"Well... then I'll give you everything you need!"

"Alright... but first sign this contract, we have to make it legal you know..."

Yes... a contract randomly appeared.

"Of course... but what does it state?"

"What we just went over... that I can do anything I want to make sure Arwen isn't killed," Sake said, sincerely.

Aragorn scanned the document over, and it said just what Sake had told him. He shrugged and signed it, there was clearly no catch.

At that moment Arwen came in and practically pounced on Sake. Pinning her against the wall, ready to strangle her, Arwen yelled, "WHAT'S THE CATCH?!" She knew Sake couldn't be trusted.

"My dear Arwen... there is not catch! I plan to do whatever it takes to keep you from dying," Sake was keeping very cool, and it was scaring everyone in the room.

"I don't believe you," Arwen still had her pinned to the wall.

"I swear on Legolas' life that I will stick to the contract!"

Arwen narrowed her eyes and Legolas left to meet a lawyer about his will, "Fine... but you know what will happen if you don't."

"Of course I do." Sake was still smiling as Arwen lowered her and left the room with Aragorn.

"Come on... what's the catch?" Cecil knew better than to believe her.

Sake smiled and put an arm around him, "No catch... I do whatever it takes to keep Arwen from dying... even if it means torturing her in front of thousands of people to keep them satisfied enough not to kill her."

"Genius," Cecil hugged her, "I love you!"

She pulled back the curtains to look at the crowd once more, "And so will everyone out there."

To be continued... BAHAHAHAAA.

Can I get a w00t w00t? If you're happy to see Sake, and you're waiting to see Arwen get tortured go and give a review.


	2. Chapter 1: Fourth of July Special

Ok… so far… so good.

Please Comment.

The 4th of July is one of my favorite holidays… so you get a special of course.

Here we go…

**Glorfindel's Revenge: Chapter 1: 4th of July Special**

"What are we here for?" Arwen said as she crossed her legs and looked up at Sake from where she was sitting, giving her one of those gazes that clearly read, 'you are SO not worth my time.'

"We are here," Sake leaned on the round table, the Jack Sparrow-mocking pirate's hat she wore slid down to cover here eyes. Pushing it back up, she continued, "to discuss strategy."

"Sake… must you wear that hat?"

Sake put on a whimpering "Puss in Boots" face and looked up at Legolas and spoke in a soft, sad tone, "It's… my Jack Sparrow hat… I have to wear it…"

"Just let her wear it…" Cecil pitched in.

"Hurry up!" Arwen was in a testy mood, knowing her life was in the hands of the one, Sake.

"Ok, ok… jeez… calm down," Sake said, adjusting her hat once more. She paused for a moment before speaking, "You know what? Just let me handle it… I have to talk with your… 'fans' first, anyway."

Arwen didn't trust Sake very much, but she didn't exactly want to be stuck in that room much longer either. She nodded and got up to leave… but before she stepped out of the door with Aragorn, she stopped to question Sake once more, "Just how exactly do you intend to do this?"

Sake smiled, "All we have to do is satisfy them in another way."

"And HOW do you plan on doing that?"

"Come on… leave the thinking to me… and cheer up, it's Independence Day."

"What in the name of the Valar is 'Independence Day?"

Sake's jaw dropped, "Y-you don't know… the 4th of July?"

"Well… it's the 4th… but Independence day?"

"I-- Cecil… you explain… I must prepare for my… appearance," She walked out, head hanging.

"What was that all about?" Arwen stared after her, "Mortals are so weird," she walked out before receiving an explanation. Aragorn followed with a last look at the elves.

"Wow… Sake was sure upset," Legolas looked at Cecil, rather confused.

"It's one of her favorite holidays," he explained.

"Ai… you pyros--"

"No… it's not just that… It's a long story… really."

"I've got time."

"Let's just go…" Cecil stood and helped Legolas up before walking out of the door.

Outside there were mobs of angry people banging at the City's walls. There was yelling, screaming, and even crying, but all of this was interrupted by a loud clap and burst of color in the sky. The fireworks begun, and everyone watched in awe, for these were Gandalf's fireworks… the best there ever were.

While everyone was distracted by the brilliant display, a figure, dressed head to toe in black, cape flowing behind, walked out along the wall. A black hat with a red feather, tipped low, covering the slender person's face.

Sitting on the ground behind the gates, at the source of the Fireworks with Gandalf, Cecil and Legolas spoke.

"Sake and her costumes…" Legolas shook his head, as Gandalf laughed, still busy at work.

"Ai… just let her be," Cecil gave up a long time ago.

After the great finale, which involved several shooting stars, doves, and a dragon, a bright light focused on Sake, she pulled her hat off and she spoke, "My fellow… Arwen-haters!"

"That's our cue…" Legolas got up and gestured for Cecil to follow before running back into the castle.

"I know what you're thinking… It's Sake! She'll give us Arwen… She'll make her pay! Oh I could… I would… I'm sure you all remember the HELL I put Aragorn through…" Sake paced the wall, "But today… Today, I am not here to hand Arwen to you. Yes, I apologize… and today I am not here to keep her for myself. I am here to ask you… to negotiate with you… please, let Arwen… keep her life."

The crowd gasped. Soon following, there was angry yells and cursing all around.

"Please… settle down!" Sake finally got the crowd under control, "I said… I would negotiate with you. I can give you even more satisfaction than you though possible through leaving Arwen alive," Sake smiled, she had the crowd again, "Boys,.. Bring her out."

Cecil and Legolas dragged Arwen, kicking, screaming, arms and legs bound, out of the castle and held her for everyone to see. There was murmuring all around

"Why give kill her and send her to hell… when you can give her hell on earth?"

The crowd cheered.

Aragorn's jaw dropped, "What? Can she do that?"

Faramir was reading the copy of the contract Aragorn had received, "Well… sir… as long as long as Arwen isn't KILLED in the process… yes."

Aragorn was speechless.

Arwen's eyes widened. She was kicking, screaming, and cursing once more. "Sake! You can't do that! You swore! You signed the contract--"

Sake grabbed Arwen and forced her to meet her gaze, "As long as you don't die… I can do whatever I want, love."

"I'll get you for this… you dirty, filthy, evil little--" Arwen was cut off when Legolas and Cecil pulled her back. She hit something solid and looked up, "Ai nin Eru…"

They began to tie her to one of the biggest rockets anyone had ever seen.

"And I present to you… the encore presentation of our fireworks show." Sake jumped aside and lit the fuse. Arwen shot up into the sky.

"Sake… are you sure this is safe?" Legolas bit his lip… she swore on HIS life.

"Positive… you tied her in a fashion so that the fuse will burn through her ropes and she'll fall before the actual explosion… she'll get a few burns… but that's all."

"Wait… what about the fall?"

"Relax… I've got it covered."

The explosion came and no one even saw Arwen. Cheering came… whether it for the spectacular array or the fact that they all thought Arwen was gone… no one was sure.

Cecil was still staring up at the sky when he heard a thud behind him. He turned around and fell back is surprise. Legolas turned just in time to catch him and looked up, gasping he asked, "Sake… is that… Valefor?"

Sake reached up to pet the Aeon and grinned, "Yep!" It put down the unconscious figure of Arwen and flew away.

"I'm… not even going to ask…" Cecil grabbed one of Arwen's arms as Legolas grabbed the other and they dragged her inside.

Sake turned back to her crowd, "Tomorrow… be back here at 11 for an even better show…" She threw her hat into the crowd and turned around to chase the elves.

Aragorn put his head in his hands an moaned, "Oh… Faramir… what have I done?"

Faramir pat him on the back, his voice sounded sympathetic but his face was smiling while Aragorn wasn't looking, "It's not your fault…" _that you're an idiot_, "that Sake… she's… uh… a very manipulative little…" _genius _"devil?"

**To be continued…**

Yeah… expect a lot more entertaining torture… that was kind of like a kick off party… ya know? We'll probably play cards again too. . Until next time… which I promise will be soon… arrivederci my friends.


	3. Chapter 2: which is crap in my opinion ...

Hey guys… I think this story is very spiritual… it's good for the soul… lets you get some anger out and some laughs in… right?

A/N: Ok… that was pretty gay, wasn't it? The chapter was originally much longer [and better]… and actually introduced Glorfindel into the story, but I thought it was TOO long and made it another chapter… Which will be uploaded in a day or two.

****

Glorfindel's Revenge: Chapter 2... I think…

This here lovely little scene opens with our dear friend, Sake, sitting on a chair in the room the story started in. Her head is in her hands, and she's pulling her hair, talking to Legolas and Cecil, "I don't know guys…"

"Why? What's wrong?" Cecil asked.

"I'm just not feeling it… My hearts not into this stuff like it was with the Arwen torture. I'm losing interest, FAST."

"Then why keep going?"

"I feel like I have to…"

"Well you HAVE signed that contract," Legolas joined into the conversation, "But If you don't think you can keep it up… I'd be glad to help you find another way…"

"No… I can keep going… I'm just confused about a couple things," Sake got up, putting her blue and white Billabong cap on, she walked out the door. The elves shrugged and followed her.

Outside the city walls, there's a large tent set up with heavily armed infantry guarding it. Hundreds, perhaps thousands, of people are outside, shoving to get in. The guards were having quite a hard time keep them back. There were vendors everywhere, selling various things… Food, hot dogs and whatnot… fan wear, mostly shirts declaring hatred for Arwen or a vow of love to random elves… Weapons, swords, bow, shuriken, spears, and all of the happy stuff… and lawn gnomes - need I say more?

Inside this tent, there was a large circle… in the middle of the circle was a set of stocks (or pillory if you may). From a back entrance, Sake entered, followed by the elves (dragging Arwen). Legolas and Cecil locked Arwen into the stocks and Sake went over to her.

"Why you nasty little piece of--" Arwen was cut off by Sake's hand covering her mouth.

Sake kneeled down next to her, "What that? The sound of Arwen's breathing? Yes… Why I think it is," Sake pulled out the contract, "And what this? Aragorn's signature? On a piece of paper that says that all Sake has to worry about is Arwen staying alive…" Sake stood, letting go of Arwen's mouth, "And tell me… what is Arwen's breathing a sign of? We all hear it… but what does it mean?"

"It means she's alive!" A voice came from behind.

"Now who's the genius who got that obvious question corre--" Sake turned around, "Ai Eru… Blood! Dearest blood relative of mine… What brings you to this realm of fantasy?"

The [self-described] "psychotic demon looking guy" grinned and spoke, "Heard you were having one of these… party… type things." You'd be surprised how much of an idiot he really is… -.-

"You… uh… just sit in the corner over there and be a good little boy."

"But… I wanna torture Arwen!" He started to cry and whine… and you can imagine how weird it must look to see such a demonic person, red eyes gleaming, crying like a baby.

"You'll get your chance… but first, our friends outside… let them in."

Now I could probably get very detailed or just leave this very dry. What need for detail do you need however? You know what happens when a person's stuck in the stocks. I'll just put it this way… They let a few people in at a time and they took all of their anger out on Arwen… sure they beat her quite a bit, yelled at her, threw stuff at her… and yes, she was in a lot of pain. There were a few points where people had to be controlled so they didn't kill her, and Arwen had to be given quite a few breaks. But I think everyone was quite satisfied.

Just think… wouldn't it be nice if one of the people you hated was sitting in the middle of the room… tied up, just waiting for you? I know a lot of people would enjoy that. I, however, wouldn't care less. I wouldn't want to take a cheap shot like that. If it were a person I utterly loathed, then I'd want to seem superior to them, and beating a person when they're helpless would sure bring down anyone's opinion of someone.

One of the reasons this doesn't seem to be as good as the Aragorn torture is because I only do this for the crowd's entertainment… If you noticed, Aragorn was tortured in privacy while all of this must be done in front of a crowd… It sure changes a lot of things.

All that matters though, is in the end, Arwen was quite bruises and beaten… I think that's the only mental image anyone wants to see anyway.

"Blood… clear everyone out and you can have some fun, yourself," Sake told the demon.

He sprouted wings and flew out of the tent. A combination or screaming and laughter was heard outside, sure he was violent, but he got the job done. All of the raging lunatics that had once been gathered outside were gone now, and Blood was back in the tent.

"Can I torture her now?"

"No."

"But… you said--"

"And you were foolish enough to believe me."

Blood's bottom lip trembled, he went into chibi form. His big, red, glowing eyes shined with tears as he tried to convince Sake to let him have his fun.

"Some other time!" She turned around and walked out, leaving the elves to deal with the bloody mess formerly known as Arwen.

****

To be continued… [very soon]

Mata - yes… well I'd say it's a combination of too much free time, a feeling that I have to do this for the few fans I have, and the scary demon holding a gun to my head… Now that I've answered your question, will you answer mine? If there's no point to this… why are you reading it? Too much free time?

I love friendly reviewers and constructive criticism!


	4. Chapter 3: In which Glorfindel is introd...

A/N: Yeah… I don't even like this story that much… All of my friends are on vacation or working [cause they cant get real jobs during the rest of the year] so I just lounge around at home and nothing interesting ever happens… so I really don't have anything to write about…

This chapter's not all that bad… I guess…

Glorfindel's Revenge: Chapter… whatever number we're on.

The next day, Sake was sitting alone at a table, minding her own business as she ate breakfast. She looked up from her bowl of cereal after hearing the scraping of a chair being pulled out and the thud of someone sitting in it. What she saw was Aragorn sitting in front of her with two guards on either side of him.

"Sake… I find you… methods… of keeping my wife safe to be... questionable," Aragorn began and paused, expecting and interjection from Sake, but she sat, still eating her cereal. Aragorn continued with his little speech and Sake only half listened, "I just don't see why…"

Meanwhile… Legolas was having his own fun. He had Arwen tied to a tree out in a courtyard with an apple on her head. He had his bow out, aiming for her head.

"Remind me why I'm doing this and not Cecil?" Arwen didn't quite trust the elf.

"Because… Cecil wants to have a go too!" Legolas told her, taking another shot and perfectly splitting the apple. He tossed another one in her direction and the apple landed perfectly on her head.

This time, Cecil took aim. He released the string and the arrow hit the apple, grazing Arwen's head just enough too tear of a nice amount of hair, "Hm… I guess I'm a little off!."

"You did that on purpose!" Arwen struggled against the ropes holding her to the tree, "When I get my hands on you--"

"Look who's here!" Legolas had his back to Arwen and he ran to the other blond elf who was coming down a set of stairs.

Cecil ran up next to Legolas. He bowed and held out his bow for the elf to take, "Lord Glorfindel, would you like to join us? I'd gladly give up my bow if it gave you an opportunity to show us your master archery…"

Glorfindel took the bow from Cecil. Cecil handed him the quiver and then ran to put another apple on Arwen head. As he placed it there, Legolas called to him, "Cecil! You idiot! What are you doing?"

"I was jus--"

"You're _insulting_ Lord Glorfindel!" Legolas ran over to Cecil, grabbing a few cherries from a tree as he went, "Tut, tut, tut… an apple is WAY too east!"

"You're right Legolas, what was I thinking?" Arwen's eyes widened and she started to protest, but Cecil stuffed an apple into her mouth as Legolas balanced a cherry on her head.

"Remember… move too much and he _accidentally_ might miss…" Legolas winked at her.

Glorfindel stepped up and took aim. Arwen was in near tears. She never thought she'd regret hitting him over the head with a shovel and hiding his body in a pile of hay and horse manure before stealing his horse in order to obtain the glory that would be granted to the one who brought the ring bearer into Rivendell. Yes… that was quite a long sentence, but before we continue I'd like to add it's partially Aragorn's fault just cause… yeah… he smells. I don't know.

So… yeah… Now Arwen's petrified because she knows Glorfindel's pissed off about that little incident.

[Commentator's voice] Glorfindel steps up to the plate. Glorfindel takes aim. He's shoots… it's going… going… IT'S GOOD! GLORFINDEL HIT'S THE CHERRY! AND THE CROWD GOES WILD! [in other words, Legolas and Cecil clap]

Well… Arwen not only passed out from the shock and anxiety of the incident put she's also got cherry juice on her head, poor girl… Seeing as it's no fun not witnessing the look of shock and horror on her face when an arrow is flying straight for her, the elves stopped their archery practice and untied her.

Back with Sake and Aragorn, Aragorn had finished his little speech and was making sure Sake comprehended.

"So you want me to stop allowing those Glorfindel fans to torture her?"

"Well… yeah…" Aragorn looked up, quite uneasy, waiting for Sake's reply.

"Ok."

"What?"

"OK."

"Y-you mean…" Aragorn didn't see that coming.

"Fans don't get to torture Arwen anymore."

"You're… still.. Going to help her… right?"

"Of course, signed a contract, didn't I?"

"Well yeah…"

"Am I released form that?"

"Well no…"

"Then I have to… don't I?"

"Well yeah…"

"Then I'll do it," Sake stood up to leave, "Is that all?"

"Y-yes…"

"Alright then," She pushed her empty bowl towards Aragorn, "Clean that up for me, will ya?"

Aragorn nodded and stared after her as she left, thinking to himself, _Ah… what have I done _now_?_

**To be continued… bahahahaaa.**

Ok… I'll try to keep updating, but I sure need some inspiration and ideas… This isn't working.


	5. Chapter 4: that explains 5

Hiei-Rulez: Glorfy is _everyone's_ "little nickname" for him… and don't worry. It wasn't your shovel… I'm sure your shovel has a mind of its own and would probably turn on Arwen and try to stab her to death.

Glorfindel's Revenge: Chapter… 4... I'm pretty sure.

"Arwen! Arwen! Wake up you ugly, old hag!" Sake was slapping the elf's face, trying to shake her out of a deep sleep.

"What? Where am I?" She looked up, eyelids heavy, "What happen?"

"Erm… you passed out… you're in the House of Healing right now."

Arwen blinked a good few times and sat up. She shook her head and looked around. She finally realized what was going on and got herself back together, "Wait… what do _you_ want?"

Sake sat at the edge of the bed, but Arwen kicked her off. She got up and dusted herself off, narrowing her eyes, she muttered, "You'll regret that…"

Arwen rolled her eyes impatiently, "What do you want?"

"You lord Aragorn has requested I take a less violent approach with my task and I did come to tell you about my new plan but it looks like you don't seem to care if you get ripped to shred…" Sake held out a contract, "So if you'd kindly release me from your service I'll be on my way."

Arwen took it, about to sign, "Good riddance! I don't need you!"

"Arwen… please don't be rash…" Aragorn took the paper away from her and handed it back to Sake, "There isn't anyone else who can really help us… It's for the best… please try to be nice. Sake says she won't let the mean people torture you anymore."

Sake smirked behind Aragorn's back, "We shall be putting you into disguise and sending you to an undisclosed location. So secret, in fact, not even Aragorn will know where you are or how you are to look."

Arwen raised an eyebrow.

"… and in doing so, we wish to hide you and your where-abouts from the 'AHGF' as we're now calling them--" Sake attempted to continue but was interrupted.

"'AHGF?'" Arwen questioned.

"Arwen Hating Glorfindel Fans--"

"Hah, nice name… couldn't think of anything more childish?"

Aragorn frowned, "Hey… it was my idea."

"Oh… I'm sorry dear… it's a lovely name," Arwen assured him.

"May I continue…?"

"Yes…"

"Well… to put this in simple terms… If they can't tell who you are, they don't know who you. If they don't know who you are they can't find where you are, and if they can't find you, they can't hurt you. So Arwen, you will be sent off in exchange for a new squire for Aragorn, and that will be our cover. You'll take on a new identity, and no longer be known as Arwen… Any questions?"

"Oh! Oh! Pick me!" Blood was jumping up and down, waving his hands in the air.

"Any _intelligent_ questions?"

Blood kept at it.

"What, Blood?"

"So do we get to kill anything?"

"Perhaps…"

"YES!" And he ran off to do a victory lap, or dance, or celebrate in some way… possibly with alcohol and a pinata… I don't know… whatever demons like to do when they're happy or have good news.

"Well… anymore questions?"

"If I'm not Arwen, who am I?" Arwen looked up, half scared.

"We shall call you," Sake paused and looked around, searching for an idea. She spotted a Harry Potter book and a Bio-feedback demo CD, "Harry… Bush…. That's it! Harry Bush!"

"Ai Eru…" Arwen didn't seem to like the name too much.

"Any _more_ questions?"

The room was silent…

"In that case… Arwen, I expect you to be reporting to me as soon as you're well and able to," and with that, Sake put on her cloak and left for her room, leaving Aragorn to put up with Arwen's constant bitching and moaning.

To be continued…

VERY SHORT! I KNOW!

When I started typing this I wasn't planning on stop but it just occurred to me that it would be easier to post this chapter and the chapter it's explaining in short intervals of each other rather than make one long chapter… and it would make more sense… And it would also give you time to wonder how I could possibly torture Arwen with something like that…

Which brings us to our next point… I think I'm going to give Aragorn a harem just because it would be funny… I don't know, it was just a spontaneous little thought.

And in my closing statement I shall give credit to a really cool band: Bio-Feedback. They're good friends of mine [especially Steve-O!!! I'm Sketch btw.], and you should check out their site… my favorite song by them is "Nervous Breakdown" so be sure to listen to that.

pure volume link: 

actual site: 


	6. Chapter 5: and Galadriel's still dancing

Yeah sorry about taking so long to update… I didn't know I was going on vacation until my mom suddenly went, "Pack your bags, we're leaving for AC"

Anyway… New characters to be introduced. Before starting the chapter, I'd like to personally apologize to Lady Alionae in case I tear apart her characters… There's no better way for me to put it that by using her own words so here it is, untouched:

"Alright, this is a weird one, Half-reddragon half-elf, big red dragon wings (Go Dragons!!)  
and a dragon tail, I usually wear black leather (go leather!) and the only person/random creature that follows me around is a remarkably annoying half-elf who goes by the name of Tinco (Tinco: oh and you're not annoying?) notice he doesn't deny it. He has copper-colored hair, dark blue eyes, and a trademark smirk that bears an incredible resemblance to Draco Malfoy's. He usually wears a T-shirt jeans, and carries around a foldable boat paddle which he likes to hit me with. unfortunately for him LIS (Lady Isilme Skysong) comes out of my head when he hits me, he doesn't like her, she's gasp sensible and sane! Ok that was a kind of long description, as for personality, I'm insane, I'll laugh at almost anything, I like pain especially other peoples and I get angry and bored easily, oh and my friends coughvictimscough call me an evil genius, my plans aren't always the most inconspicuous, but they do get the job done in an efficient and unique way. yeah I know really long go ahead and complain if you want."

And If anyone WOULD like to complain you'll have to consult our customer service department which is headed by DC, with his assistant, Katsu.

DC: looks up from polishing ak-47 Huh?

Katsu: looks up from deck of cards he's shuffling. Eyes gleam red Why do I have to be the assistant?

CAUSE I SAID SO!

Katsu: Fine… Fine…

Anyway… On with the story!

Glorfindel's Revenge: Chapter: the Chapter after the one before it.

"Alright Cecil, you're accompanying Arwen."

"Wha?! Why me?"

"Because… no one else is smart enough for this job… other than Legolas anyway."

"So why can't Legolas do it?"

"Because Legolas is sexier than you…"

"… You're mean …"

"Awe… poor baby… get over it and go pack!"

"Where am I going?"

Sake blinked, "I don't know… you're supposed to figure that out."

Cecil rolled his eyes and opened the door to leave but stepped back in surprise when he found Arwen standing there ready to knock. He merely nodded and stepped aside to let her in before continuing on his way out.

"Arwen! What a lovely surprise! What brings you here?"

"You told me to come here…"

"Oh… yeah… well, now that you are here, we're going to bring in our expert team of make up and costume artists to put on your disguise! So follow me!" Sake turned to a book case and pulled on a book labeled "Engineering Thermodynamics with Applications -- Third Edition" and the book case moved forward slightly, revealing a small crack in the wall.

"I always wondered why you had that book."

"What? I was into Engineering in third grade…" Arwen raised an eyebrow and Sake shrugged, "What? I was a weird little kid…"

"You still are."

Sake stuck her tongue out and then disappeared into the passage behind the book case. Arwen rolled her eyes and followed. The passage took them through a long and narrow, stone hall until they finally emerged on the set of what appeared to be a TV show.

"What is this?" Arwen asked as she looked around.

"It's a side job…"

"But what is it?"

"Well… it's sort of like a bastardization of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy."

Arwen raised an eyebrow… she seems to do that a lot around Sake.

"Instead of a guy going metro sexual, it's a girl going… uhm… drag queen/king?"

The look on Arwen's face can be best described by using this well known emoticon: o.O

"Come on… it'll be fun!" Sake tried to give her a reassuring grin but in the end… Arwen had to be dragged to a chair and strapped down.

"It's for your own good!" Legolas yelled. He was sitting nonchalantly in a chair on the opposite side of the stage/set, watching with an amused look on his face.

Meanwhile… Cecil was looking for ideas on what to do with Arwen. He was sitting on his bed with a laptop open on his lap, hoping to find ideas in reviews and email. Hoping that taking a break from the computer would help his thought process, he got up and went to the window and looked out.

His room had a perfect view of the garden, and the sun was shining brightly, he thought back to everything Sake had said to Arwen: knowing her, there had to be a loop hole.

"Alright… So Sake has promised Aragorn that Glorfindel's fans won't hurt her…" he spoke to himself, thinking back to the reviews, "that could mean she intends for Aragorn to torture her… but she wants to send Arwen away…"

__

"If they can't tell who you are, they don't know who you. If they don't know who you are they can't find where you are, and if they can't find you, they can't hurt you. So Arwen, you will be sent off in exchange for a new squire for Aragorn, and that will be our cover. You'll take on a new identity, and no longer be known as Arwen…"

"Wait a minute… we're not allowed to hurt _Arwen_ but if Arwen isn't Arwen anymore… then we can hurt her! Hm…" Cecil looked back to the laptop, "I think I may have an idea…" He gathered his things and got ready to leave.

Sake grabbed a chair and sat down next to Legolas, they both watched as an elf, a dwarf, a hobbit and a man fussed over her. They cut her hair, filed her nails, stripped her down, and brought new clothes. Many protests from Arwen were heard, but they were always countered by insults from the four working on her.

"How long do you think we're going to be sitting here?" Legolas asked, obviously quite bored.

"I don't know… but it's sort of entertaining."

"Sort of…" Legolas' ears perked up, "Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"That… music."

"Music?"

"Yes! It's getting louder!"

"Legolas, I don't hear anything-- wait…" Sake rose and stood attentive, "What… the… fuck?"

There was this strange Jamaican tune in the air, growing louder by the moment. As the source of the music drew closer, Sake was able to make out the lyrics. It went:

"Follow the leader, leader, leader… Follow the leader!"

"Sake…?" Legolas looked at her, with a look of almost horror on his face.

Sake just gaped in awe as she saw Galadriel come dancing in followed by an ENOURMOUS conga line consisting of several races and well known figures. Directly behind the obviously drunk and perhaps stoned Galadriel was the well-known Bob Marley… and behind him… was at least a thousand others.

The great Lady of the Wood lead her conga line around the studio, and just as Sake and Legolas thought it would never end, a few elves came in dragging a very large stereo on wheels as the source of the music. Some audience members got up and joined the line, some people already on the line fell off. Alcohol was suddenly everywhere brought in and the smell of weed filled the air.

"Legolas… is Galadriel getting high with Bob Marley?"

"Yeah… I think so… though I might be stoned and hallucinating the whole thing."

"Well… I don't know… I guess we could grow marijuana instead of mallorn," A rather flustered Galadriel was telling Bob Marley, both still up and dancing, with slurred speech, "but I don't know if Celeborn would jump for that!"

"Well you're your own woman, aren't you? You don't really need him… He should be listening to you, everyone knows you're the genius behind Lothlorien!" Bob Marley told her.

"Ya know what? You're right! I don't neeeed him! I don't need anyone!" Galadriel swayed slightly but still kept her pace at the front of the line. She took a swig from the bottle in her hand and pulled a joint out of Mr. Marley's mouth to take a drag.

Cecil looked down at a paper in his hand and took a deep breath, "Well… this is the place!" He knocked on the door he stood in front of and waited patiently. When the door opened he started, "Lady Alionae--" but he stopped when he realized it wasn't her, "Oh… you must be Tinco. Well, I have a request from--"

****

And with that I end the fic…

Yeah. I know the update took me a while, but that's because:

1. Soccer has started - I don't really want to play but if I don't my mom's making me get a job… -.-

2. Laptop es el homosexual. I had to run a system recovery because it was being gay so I lost a lot of stuff…

3. There's probably another reason I can't think of right now.

Anyway… if there was anyone else who wanted to be in the fic, e-mail me, IM me… you know the deal. School starts soon and I have to start reffing which technically is my job, but my mom says it doesn't count cause its not steady I'm sure I'll be able to keep updates going, on holidays at least… but yeah… I may need to turn it over to someone else like I did with blood last time…

Well -- r&r everyone.


	7. Chapter 6: Turkey Day!

Ok… this is the third time I'm writing this chapter and if anything goes wrong I just may have a nervous breakdown, jump out of my window, land on the floaty thing in the pool and fly away to a land of dreams and mythical creatures where the word "psychedelic" is accepted.

Music I listened to while I wrote this: the Starting Line only 'cause of my sister, Cheap Sex, the Buzzcocks, the Beatles, Dropkick Murphys

**Glorfindel's Revenge:** _the chapter devoted to turkey day_

Cecil entered the room he thought Sake most likely to reside, before noticing it only held Legolas, he spoke, "Listen Sake, I really think you should start-- Where's Sa--" Before he could finish his question, he found himself face down on the floor. He pushed himself up in an awkward push-up like movement, knocking Sake off his back.

She recuperated from the fall, and sat facing him on her knees. Full clad in a strange Indian kiss my ass political correctness costume, war paint and all, she yelled enthusiastically, "Happy Turkey Day Cecil!"

Cecil sat cross-legged, facing her, "You mean Thanksgiving?"

"Turkey Day… No one cares about the thanks part. Only football, beer, and turkey. Football Day isn't very appealing to me, and though Beer Day sounds great, I don't think it'd sit well with the schools. That's why we have to stick to Turkey Day!"

"Right… what's with the costume?"

"Cecil! Everyone knows the origins of Thanksgiving… the Pilgrims were playing soccer, football at the time, when a few drunk Indians stumbled in and fell on the ball. They flattened the ball and it became lemon shaped. The Indians didn't know how to play this "football" so they picked it up and started throwing it around. The pilgrims tried to stop them but they couldn't intercept the ball, so they took to tackling the Indians instead. Eventually they all got tired and sat down to eat. Coincidently, Turkey was the meal of the day. After the food they all got drunk and played some more Indian style football."

At this point Cecil was staring at her like she had three heads. Sake crawled towards him, stopping to put feathers in his hair. Realizing it was safer not resist, Cecil just asked, "But why are you dressed like an Indian?"

"Because they have cooler outfits! No one wants to dress like a pilgrim…"

"I'm sure you could force someone."

"Hm… yes… oooo," Sake donned a strange grin.

Seeing this, Legolas sat up, already in his own costume, "What are you thinking?"

"Let's have a party!" Sake was up, dancing around the room, "We can have a nifty Thanksgiving party! And we'll have lots of food… and alcohol… and costumes! Everyone must wears costume! Cecil go find Arwen… " She got up and skipped out before anyone could say a thing.

Legolas spoke first, "This is going to be interesting…"

Cecil merely nodded as he got up, digging an old address out of his pocket. He looked down, shook his head, and left the room.

* * *

Cecil swallowed, and knocked on the door. He stood there for only a minute before it was answered. Expecting to see Tinco again, he opened his mouth to speak. When he noticed it was Lady Alionae he stopped, took another deep breath and then began, "Sake, would like to… formally invite you to a.. uhm… Thanksgiving… party. Dress in.. Indian or uh… pilgrim attire, and don't forget out dear friend… Harry," Cecil paused, peeking past Lady Alionae, and into the room where Arwen sat, rocking in a corner and mumbling to herself, "I guess that's all.. Hope to see you there?"

Lady Alionae merely nodded, laughing at the strange attire of the elf. Cecil began to back away, a bit frightened of her strange behavior. Tinco, noticing this, took the opportunity to hit Lady Alionae with a paddle. At this point, Cecil was gone.

* * *

Later that day…

The moment Arwen walked in, Sake grabbed her arm, pulling her away from the rest of the crowd. "Come on! Get ready!" She said, as she through Arwen into a room where several servants awaited her arrival. Sake then ran back to her hall and sat at the table, looking down a long line of elf lords and random other people dressed in costume.

Arwen entered in a very elegant dress, standing out quite a bit from the rest of the group. Sake pulled up a chair next to her, grinning. Arwen sat, hesitantly though. Dinner started and went on without anything too big happening. At one point Arwen did find plastic fruits on her dish, though.

Then… Turkey Time!

A servant brought a large turkey on a platter to the table, shaking all the way under its large mass and weight. As the turkey was plopped onto the table, the doors were kicked open… The one responsible shocked everyone…except Sake, of course.

Who was it?

Sheldon the Evil Turkey.

"HOW DARE YOU EAT MY KIN?!" Sheldon raced to the table, snatching up the turkey and hugging it, "I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO IS RESPONGSIBLE!"

Terrified, everyone shook their heads exclaiming that it was not them. Through all the panic, Sake stood, and tapped a whine glass. Silence took over and everyone turned to stare at Sake, thinking she was about to admit to the act.

"It was… HER!" Sake pointed, accusing Arwen.

Arwen stood up, outraged, "It was not! It was you!"

Sheldon's head went back and forth like a tennis match as the two girls exchanged, "no, you's" for a good 15 minutes. Finally making himself dizzy, Sheldon put an end to the argument, "STOP!"

Sake turned to him, "Come on Sheldon, man! Look at her… she's obviously the host of this whole thing. And besides… I'm Turkish, why would I eat a Turkey?"

Cecil opened his mouth to point out the completely irrelevance of that fact, but was silenced by a death glare from Sake.

Sheldon thought this over for a minute, then he nodded, "Of course… we're practically related! Why would you kill a turkey?"

"Yeah! It's like treason against my country."

Sheldon went over to Sake and held out his wing, "You can always count on me from now on, homie," Sake slapped his hand, and nodded. Sheldon then turned to Arwen, "and as for you… TURKEYS!" A large army of turkeys piled in through the doors, stampeding over the table, leaving no food for the guests. The whole room was soon covered in Turkey, but shortly after the all filed out. When they were gone, there was no Arwen and only Sheldon was left. "It is time I depart as well," Sheldon told Sake.

Sake walked him to the door, whispering to him, "Just do me a favor and don't KILL her?"

Sheldon nodded as he walked out the door and Sake waved him off.

She then returned to the table that sat frozen in shock, "Well… I'm beat! Goodnight everyone!" Sake stretched, and headed out.

As they watched her walk out, a chandelier fell in the background, and Legolas blew a turkey feather out of his face. Other than that, the room was still.

**ENd**

Right…that was pretty weird. I'll try to update again soon. Please review… :) the turkey and Turkish people do have something to do with eachother, but it's mostly because the English are idiots... If anyone wants to know the story about why the turkey is called a turkey, feel free to ask and I'll explain. Being Turkish, I've gotten this question many a time and can now probably write a report on it.


End file.
